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Chapstick is the one true, real, divine, living, all knowing and onmi present GOD.
Those who deny it will burn in fiery chappedness.

News and Updates

The Chapocalypse is Upon Us!

-The signs show up everywhere. Our lips are on the brink of total distruction. And we don't say this just to inspire fear into the lips of our followers in an effort to control them. Just take a look at the facts:

  • Global Warming- The heat dries and chaps our lips like never before.
  • Oil Wars- Dick Cheney knows whats up, and so in preperation for the sharp increase in demand for chapstick, he saught to take control of Iraq's petroleum (chapstick brands main ingredient).
  • Privitization of Water- It is a little known fact that water consumtion will curb your need for lip balm. But in third world countries, corparations are buying up the water to make a profit.

On the night the Chapocalypse began, January 2, 2007, there was a great storm in Ojai, Califonria, the home of the Church of the Living Chapstick. Tree's were pushed over and lips were chapped by an invisible force so mistook for wind. Little did many know this force was infact the hand of Chapstick, sending the message that the Chapocalypse had officially begun.

 

If we didn't invade Iraq over Chapstick Brand's Main ingredient, we could have bought

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Tubes of chapstick.

...Or we could have fed the world for 9 years!

Click here for more.

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* Chapstick is a registered trademark of Wyeth Consumer Healthcare. We are in no way affiliated with Wyeth Consumer Healthcare or their products. Use of the word chapstick refers to all lip balm.